Mitch Hedburg

So Mitch Hedburg came up in a conversation I was having the other day, and inevitability, we began to quote many of his one liners. His stuff always makes me laugh so I figured I'd share some of it as kind of a tribute to him.


"I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."

"Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree."

"I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for them there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, and I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And she said, "Alright, well, that is free." See I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"